Still No Bae? Here is my Gift to you.
Let’s just jump right into this; I haven’t dated in over 4 years!!! I KNOOOW, right? You probably think something is completely wrong with me! That’s the thing it was something wrong with me I was hurt and traumatized. My last relationship really exposed and uprooted somethings in me. So if he didn’t come around Thanksgiving and Christmas you probably trying to force something together for Valentines Day.
So let me set you free, when you have been through a break up with an ex, depending on what has occurred it can be a traumatic experience. The wrong thing to do is try to act like it didn’t happen and then try to go into another relationship with open wounds.
My last relationship ended in him cheating on me with another woman who was also pregnant, lying and choosing to not be in my daughters life. I had to go through counseling sessions so I could talk out my feelings. I also have to express this because it was is important me. I was even more so hurt by him not expressing that he “Didn’t want me anymore”, or “That he found someone else”. Now, some of you are like “well wouldn’t that have hurt more?” Listen, it was going to hurt regardless! Yet, for me it would have allowed me to know that he RESPECTED me enough to tell me the truth, that this wasn’t working for him anymore. It was then I would have to make the decision to move on because he told me the truth. I didn’t get that. I was led on to believe that we were still together and found out that he was living another life.
So here are the different thoughts and emotions:
“I am so stupid.”
“I was dumb.”
“It’s my fault.”
“I should have known.”
“I am angry.”
“I want him back because we have a child.”
“I am sad.”
“I feel alone”
“I was only good for sex.”
“He should pay for what he did”
“They are going to blame me.”
“He lied to me and now is lying on me”
“I just need to move on.”
“What did I do?”
“What is wrong with me?”
“It’s my fault she doesn’t have her father.”
“I’m doing this alone.”
“I blame myself.”
The list goes on and I’m sure some of you can add to it and relate.
So while processing these emotions, I also had to move back home to my family as a grown woman, starting completely over materialistically, financially, being a first time mom, facing homelessness, moving into a transitional home, and trying to find a well paying job. The way I got to my feet was with God standing in front of me helping me up.
For me a man or dating was not the answer to my hurt, God was. (Read that Again)
If you read my last blog, “I Need A Man”. You know I talk about how my family and friends have said this over and over again. I was taking advice from people who were just as hurt as me. None had experience a relationship that I desired from God.
I didn’t want to be that woman who jumped from one relationship to another relationship, to another relationship, to an emotional relationship, to a friends with benefits relationship, to I’m not ready to be in a commit relationship, to my fantasy vs. reality relationship and still end up with nothing.
Dating is not the cure to a bounce back after being hurt. If we don’t examine the hurt from our past, it will continue to effect us in our future. What I am asking from God is his best. My husband shouldn’t be healing me from my past hurt with another man or man in my life. He should be reminding me of what God brought me out of and whatever we encounter in our relationship he is the same God. He is even more powerful when two are gather together.
My gift to you is my advice. Slow down and enjoy the times you have to examine your heart so you know what you DESERVE and only except God’s Best. God’s best is real and I don’t mind being an example of it as I wait.
Dear Future Husband,
Only God can send an unperfected man, who loves God so much that he was made just for me. That in your relationship with God, you will be taught how to love me and Amara. Until then I pray that you are full of laughter, correction in love, loyalty, commitment and have a love that overflows from our Daddy. Most woman say I can’t wait, in my case, I can.