My daughter needs healing too.

Photo by FotoMePhotography

Photo by FotoMePhotography

I had to go back and get my child.

 

As Mothers we try our best to shield them from the reality of another person’s choices. I have tried to protect my daughter from the reality that her father is not in her life. I even tried to force my father to replace her father unknowingly. Yet, the reality is he is not here.

 

I accepted the reality of a ended relationship. I forgave, healed and continue to lift an un-perfect person up in prayer.  Yet, I forgot that I don’t know the feeling of an absent father. Although I saw it as another failed relationship that I have moved on from I needed to also see it as my child not having a father in the house hold.


I have seen my daughter unknowingly suppress feelings regarding what she doesn’t understand. As she gets introduced to her other side of the family which is the best ever,  she is triggered by the missing parent. 


I noticed it in her cries. They became a release that I recognized that I did as a child. Since she doesn’t know how to effectively communicate what maybe on her heart when triggered it would be found in an emotional random cry out of no where.


One day she asked me, “mommy who am I?” Tears streaming down her face and she repeats it. I am trying to answer her but puzzled as to where this

question is coming from. 


I give her an answer “Your Amara” she is still like “No ,who am I”. Im like what answer are you looking for. You are my daughter a child of God. You are loved as I show her pictures of people who have been there since she was born and those who are a big part of her life now. I tell her you name means beloved. That same night she gets a call from her Aunt and Cousin and I knew it was God gifting her with them.


I begin to be more in-tune to my daughter and asking God for guidance. 


As a woman who is a mother I have a lot of things on my mind as I make decisions for my daughter. Keeping up my household without any financial support but myself, making decisions regarding her schooling, disciplining, as well as what I need as a woman. It’s a lot and I lean on God everyday to help me get through every moment and I try to do what’s right in my Yes to God.


❤️_Amara’s Mom Audrey Renee

Audrey Perkins